I think it’s lumpy because you’ve used the parritch mix instead o the wallpaper paste mix dear.
Nae wonder the rat’s eating it.
Ahn tae mak it warse ye’ve used ma insta-mix special extra lumpy hip bath parritch that we sweem in at the Auchenshuggle spa ahn tan club.
Did ye ken that they do a side line in building biodegradable coffins frae slabs o it as well.
They’re verra popular in Scotland ye ken.
parritch, paritch, parridge, poritch: porridge.
I think it’s lumpy because you have used the porridge mix instead of the wallpaper paste mix dear.
No wonder the rat’s eating it.
And to make matters worse you have used my insta-mix special extra lumpy hip bath porridge that we swim in at the Auchensguggle spa and tanning club.
Did you know that they also do a side line in building biodegradable coffins from slabs of it as well.
They’re very popular in Scotland you know.
The Scottish Word: parritch with its definition and its meaning illustrated and captioned with the word used in context in the Scots language and in English.
A few porridge phrases.
No even able tae buy saut for yer parritch: you are very poor; not even able to afford seasoning for food.
Auld claes an’ parritch: one’s common workaday situation; nothing special is going on.
As plain as parritch: as plain as the end of your nose; self evident.
Save yer braith tae cool yer parritch: what you’re saying is not worth hearing; be quiet.
To Porridge (poem).
A fine poem about our love of porridge written in Scots published in 2013.
To Porridge. ‘Auld claes and parritch…‘ by WN Herbert 2012. Bloodaxe books Northumberland. Excerpts:
“Captain of oats, braw brose, fine gruel,
you are thi Scotsman’s…”
“… Tho Doctir Johnson caaed ye food
fur foals – mair fulmar him – ye’ve plooed
thru Scotia’s lard-imprisoned bluid
and freed oor veins:
dae mealie puddins dae us good?
Great Oat, explain!
Hoo dae we luve ye? Some wi cream,
wi hinny, spice or jeely reamed,
while Calvin’s crew hae sauty dreams
o fare of auld,
powred in a draaer fur bothy teams
tae slice oot cauld.…”
You can read the complete poem here: ‘To Porridge‘. on the Poetry International Archives web-site (everything they do is geared towards sharing poetry with audiences that are as expansive and diverse as possible).