“Welcome – this is yir jile and I’m yer jiler for the-day – noo get ben the hoose and assume the position for tae be graiped.”

Translated:

graip: search with the hands, probe, examine.

“Welcome – this is your jail and I am your jailer for today – now proceed through the facility and assume the position for a cavity search.”

[graip spelled out in the phonetic alphabet.]

Illustration Friday.
frozen.